A Prayer from the Father
I wanted to share these thoughts from my prayer journal with you. They are from about a year and a half ago-ish... but relevant yet today for me!
On this particular morning, God woke me up very early. At first, I had tried to fall back asleep because I hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep on recent nights. Sleep escaped me. I had decided to sit up in the dark and open my First 5 app and just start reading some devotionals and Scripture. I read for quite a while... finding that I didn’t really want to put it down, but the day called for me. I felt like I needed more, so I decided to spend time praying at my desk in the sunroom.
In the months since my hubby went to be with Jesus, I have spent much time in soul searching and prayer. Other than my usual kind of praying, which truthfully is sometimes what I call “fly by” prayers, “desperation” prayers and “help me sleep” prayers, I have spent some time listening to God through 3 different types of praying:
Visio Divina Seeing Prayer: This prayer uses visual art materials to help me see what God is saying to me. It sets my focus on Him. I love Visio Divina because I like finding different art pieces to explore. I place myself within the art somewhere and see how I feel and I look for what God wants me to see. I also journal and reflect on the things that impact me in our time together.
Audio Divina, Listening Prayer: During listening Prayer, I pick a piece of instrumental music to listen to. I grab my journal to write out my prayer to Him while I listen. It is usually short... right to the point. I spend time listening to what Holy Spirit shares with me. As I listen, I jot things down that come into my mind and heart. Usually they are Scripture references, songs, or visions. I wait until I feel like I've heard what He wants me to hear. I go back over my “jots” and look the Scriptures up and do a study on them... sometimes, I have to come back to it at another time.
Lectio Divina Scripture Prayer: I choose a Scripture or a short passage and read through it a few times. I sit with it a bit and ask God to show me what word or phrase He wants me to notice in the passage. Once I have the word or phrase, I process it. I wonder what meaning God is giving me. What am I supposed to do with this word or phrase? As I ponder this and other questions, I continue thanking Him for speaking into my life. Even if I don’t grasp the whole meaning yet... I have the promise that it will come because He gave the Words to me in the first place. I make sure to write the verse and thoughts down in my journal. It helps me to get it all out for now... and for the future.
A good tip for each of these...
"There is no right or wrong way… it is just between you and God!"
Listening Prayer (Audio Divina) is what I chose to focus on during this particular morning. I had been going through a lot of different things that pressed me down. In my written prayer that morning, I told God the things that I needed to talk with Him about. Some of them were relational. Some were related to decisions that I had to make. And some of them were intertwined. My last sentence for Him was:
“What do you want me to know today?”
Walking through it...
I decided I would walk you through this particular morning prayer time. I am going to be pretty vulnerable and let you know the things that came to my thoughts as I sat there listening for His voice. I will just list them out as they came to me and then backtrack to explain where I thought He was leading me.
Jeremiah 29:11
Peace
Psalm 107
I have you.
Rest today.
“Though the waters rage around you, I am in the storm to calm it and keep it at bay.” Junkyard
“Even in the junkyard - I come and gather pieces and parts to make what you already have, whole again. I am the Maker. I am the Re-maker.”
“The Best is Yet to Come” by Mack Brock
Ok, that's it, let’s spend some time unpacking all of this. Obviously these things may mean different things to different people because we are all on different paths, but I want to let you know where they led me.
Unpacking:
Jeremiah 29:11
This is my life verse. I journal about it often because I always seem to circle around to it in some way. On this day, as I was sitting at my desk, this verse simply stared back at me from the picture of my hubby and I. I keep this verse there as a reminder that even though my sweet hubby is no longer on this earth... God has promised to give me a future AND a hope. Usually, this is what always stands out to me from this verse. But when I thought further, I looked at the verse closer using the third method I mentioned above, Lectio Divina Prayer. Guess what word stood out to me? One I usually just try to skip over because I definitely am not wealthy! The word that stuck out to me was, “prosperity”. As I wrestled a bit with God placing that word in front of me… I slowly realized that what He wanted me to see was that it means way more than financial gain. Of course it does! Why did I never see it that way? He was asking me, “Can’t prosperity span across many different aspects in life?” Hmmm... yeah... I guess it can.
“Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.” III John 2
I like that... ”all respects,” and “as your soul prospers”. That led me to thinking about prosperity in relationships. Actually, there are several aspects that could be considered, but for the sake of staying on task, I looked at relationships. There are a few different words that could mean something similar if they were inserted in place of “prosperity”.
Abundance
Growth
Success
Increase
Thriving
Thankfully, I do have thriving relationships. Sometimes they go through growing pains to get to a new level of prosperity... a new level of abundance... a thriving. So this felt like a revelation reminder to me that while there are current struggles… He will bring increase to these relationships as I wait on Him. Prosperity comes in different frames and I am thankful that I can see this more clearly now.
Peace
The journal that I write my prayers and notes in has scriptures at the bottom. The Scriptures have my name inserted into them! It was a gift from a very good friend. I never read those Scriptures first because I don’t want them to sway my mind one way or the other as I am writing things from God speaking to me. But I do later read the verse at the bottom and this one was about peace. I saw this as a confirmation that I had indeed heard Him correctly.
“And the effect of righteousness will be peace, Mona, and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever.” Isaiah 32:17
The Fruit of the Spirit was not something that was given to me initially during prayer time. I thought of it as I was processing the words righteousness and peace. Peace definitely speaks into each of my concerns that I had written down... relationally, as well as in my decision making. Peace is a valuable weapon.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control...” Galatians 5:22-23
Propped up next to peace are several attributes that intertwine together. For example, having self-control... or showing gentleness can also bring peace into a situation. This entire package of fruit is wrapped up in righteousness. And as I looked a little further down through the verses, not only was I challenged to live by the Spirit and walk by the Spirit, but to also be encouraging others with the Fruit of the Spirit. I know this... but a reminder is as good as a beautiful welcome mat!
Psalm 107
There is a lot packed into this entire chapter. But there were a couple things that stood out to me as I read. Within this passage, there are various afflictions and trials that have come about due to rebellion. But always...
“Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble; He saved them from their distresses.” (VS 6, 13, 19 & 28)
This is mentioned 4 times. And five times, he implores us to give thanks to the Lord and ”...consider the mercy of the Lord.” One thing I have noticed with the Word, if God says it multiple times... I need to pay extra attention! Ignoring it will be a disservice to my spiritual health. I know I have continued to cry out to God in my trouble. But what I have struggled with is always thanking Him in that hard stuff or for the hard stuff that can bring me growth! I do recognize His faithful mercy and I am completely grateful for that love. Now, I need to take His mercy and continually release it into my relationships and offer Him thanksgiving for those relationships, and yes... even the hardships. It is also important to let my tribe know what they mean to me. This can be face to face, through a letter, a phone call, or even a text. It is just important to live with a thankful heart.
I can also apply this mindset to the decisions that I have to make. God, in his mercy has provided for me in SO many ways. I need and want to give Him my gratitude. When I have decisions before me, I cannot make them without Him. Seriously. I've had a really hard time making decisions… it feels like a desert in the wilderness sometimes… and with the loss of my hubby... that has been exacerbated - squared. But, He “shattered gates of bronze and cut off bars of iron” for me. (Isaiah 45:2-3) He delivers and saves out of the darkness of the shadow of death... which frankly feels very much like the decision making in my world on some days. Thank you, Lord for this Word.
The next two things are pretty straight forward:
I have you.
Rest today.
I could delve into all sorts of Scriptures on rest and the fact that He holds me in the palm of His hand, but I won’t, because we would be here all day and there is more to be said. I'll leave those to you!
Raging Waters
“Though the waters rage around you, I am in the storm to calm it and keep it at bay.”
Water is very meaningful to me, as you may have noticed. Countless times He has led me to the water and walked beside me. It's my grounding place. He continually reminds me that though all this collateral matter swirls around me and threatens to drown me… He will not let it consume me. He rescues me and He draws me out. Looking back at Psalm 107 again; trouble, gratitude, mercy. He shows me in yet another way, a story about prosperity in a storm. Prosperity of the soul. The stormy wind. Great waves that drag to the depths. Misery.
But God.
He causes the storm to still. He hushes the waves. He guides me to the harbor. I need not fear the temporary storm of a relationship being battered by the wind... nor have fear of decisions crashing in on me like tsunami waves… or any other situation at hand. BECAUSE GOD in his infinite mercy guides me through to the prosperity of peace that He has for me. He does have me and longs for me to rest on the shores of His harbor even though the raging waters surge!
Junkyard.
“Even in the junkyard - I come and gather the pieces and parts to make what you already have, whole again. I am the Maker. I am the Re-maker.”
Wow! This was my favorite revelation of this particular morning! When the word ‘junkyard’ popped into my head... I was very confused... wondering if that was God or some random craziness coming from the cob-webbed attic in my brain! He didn’t let me question for too long before he shared with me the rest of the thought.
As I said, I was faced with so many decisions that sometimes made me feel alone. Broken. Two ARE better than one. Ed and I helped one another to stand. We balanced each other in decisions. A cord of three strands. Now, I find myself with a tattered cord that is seemingly less strong. Notice I said, ‘seemingly.’ My brain and heart say two strands cannot possibly be stronger than three. But… again, He reassures me that He holds me... and that tattered but intertwined cord, as far as He is concerned, is stronger than ever.
My human eyes cannot always feel the ‘find’ in the junk. But He does. He walks right through the fence of the yard and gets the exact part that I need to make me stronger... to right the wrong... to lead me to the correct decision. In my beginning... He made me. He is my Maker (Genesis 1:2 6) & (Psalm 139). I am His creation… the one who received the inner working parts from His handiwork. Only my Maker knows exactly what I need, when I need it… and He remakes me time after time when I need a little tweaking and loving care. When I call on Him, lost in the midst of the sea of indecision or any other hurts, He patches the pain and determines me whole. He fixes the brokenness and brings the pieces together.
Have I focused on Him? Or am I left staring at the vast pieces and parts I see through the hole in the fence... focused on the decisions at hand? Too often, my eyes dwell on the latter. It weakens me. But always in this never ending sea of decisions, He persists in calling for me to seek Him. Sometimes He asks me to wait until He perfectly places the specific pieces together right alongside with what I already have that He has built into me. In His time He works in and through me making adjustments as He sees fit for His plans. He satisfies and prospers my body, mind, heart, and soul... to wholeness. Because He is my Maker AND my Re-Maker.
Psalm 107:9
“For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, And He has filled the hungry soul with what is good.”
That was quite the trunk to unpack! I cannot say that any one thing was “solved” through my prayer that I penned that day. But I can say that I felt closer to Him afterwards than I did that morning.
But what did He want me to know? That was my original question.
He gave me more words to live by. He surprised me with learning a new meaning to a word that I haven’t much cared for in the past. He encouraged me with a couple phrases as a reminder that it doesn’t matter what I am going through... He is my Maker to begin with and when I need another part from ‘junkyard’ treasures, He is the One that will get what I need to bring me closer to wholeness in Him. He brings beauty from ashes, and continues to mold me to His exact specifications that is desirable for who I am and Whose I am.
Current Update:
I can one hundred percent assure you that He has given me new meaning to the word, "prosper." Some time has passed since my original writing. There is more long-standing peace within me, within my relationships, and within my decision making. Is it perfect? No... nothing this side of heaven ever is! I have also found myself being increasingly aware of how much I have to be grateful for. About a year ago, I had decided that at the top of every journal entry, I would write one thing that I was grateful for. That has increased my thankfulness awareness. He has stilled the storm, hushed the waves, and guided me to the harbor repeatedly. I now realize in fullness, that I have the assurance that when I get frightened by the huge waves that still threaten... He walks on the waves with me. Every time. Also, the junkyard looks more like an adventure to find a treasure on more days than not.
TRAILBLAZING:
This song by Mack Brock entitled “The Best is Yet to Come” sprang to mind. I will just leave the link for you to give it a listen. It is so good… let the words speak to you.
ALSO... download this freebie for the steps of the Three Impressionistic Prayers that I enjoy using during my quiet time. Give one or all a try! AND please consider subscribing to my blog!
Also, a good book to get you started is Contemplative Vision by Juliet Benner.
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