Besties
I have some fantastic friends in my life that I am so very grateful for... they are truly the best by one-hundred and one percent at least! My longest running bestie has been my friend for 26 years... that is nearly my lifetime since I am only 29. (Wink-wink) I have had two other besties for several years as well... our friendship has been fruitful and thriving for close to 20 years. I also have a fairly new bestie in my life. We have been friends for about a year and a half. It seems like we have been friends much longer than that though. Last year, I attended the Global Leadership Summit and Michael Jr. (Comedic Thought Leader) shared some insights and comedy with us. He mentioned that we all need a heckler in our life. I realized right then, she was sitting next to me. I had a heckler in my life! Perhaps that was really Paul’s thorn in his side... he had a heckler-friend. (Wink-wink, again) That is just me paying her back for a moment... or forever since it is on the internet now, it is basically written in stone. Yes, I got her permission to say that.
I have captivating daughters and a one-of-a-kind (seriously!) daughter-in-law that I also very affectionately label as best friends. I have a plethora of other friends that have stood by me and checked in with me from time to time. A sisterhood friend who walks with the same loss far across the Mediterranean in a landscape of white and blue homes splashed with fuchsia Bougainvillea. I have recently met several beautiful souls that quickly escalated to friends from my Grief Share groups and through counseling. I’ve had a familiar family friend become closer because of our common bond through the loss of our husbands. And still there are those that have been in my life throughout the years that still pray or drop a note to say, "How ya doin?" Every one of these special people play a role in my life. I am forever thankful for their presence in whatever capacity we have in our relationship... they are all vitally important to a part of my story... and my heart spills over in great love for each one. To name all of them would really be unfair because I cannot say enough about all of them in the spaces for words in the paragraphs throughout this blog. So. Much Goodness. Abounds.
These besties, have been through it with me or came alongside during my healing process in the hardest shadow I have ever had to walk in. The shadow of death. I have walked through some serious situations through the years with them as well. Their own losses, divorces, illnesses, near death, financial hardships, abuse, neglect, moves, graduations, new grandbabies... so many different situations. I know without a doubt... these "fantastic four" will be here with and for me in every circumstance. They will stand by me... rejoice with me... cry with me... defend me with countless hours of prayer and otherwise, if need be. We will be here for each other through every high and low. Come rain or shine. I have stormed the gates of heaven more than once for all my sweet friends... for healing... for wisdom... for strength... for Presence. For. So. Much. For a lifetime. Steadfast and faithful.
Steadfast and faithful soul sisters that have had the courage to walk through all the hard. We have spurred one another to grow the fruit of the Spirit through every adversity AND joyous moment that we have encountered. We say the right things... and sometimes we say the wrong things. We are intuitive and empathetic and forgiving. We have gained the right to speak truth into one another in love. We genuinely care for one another. This sisterhood that spans generational lines of twenty-three years is my tribe that when necessary, the wagons will be circled.
Proverbs 18:24
“... there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
David & Jonathon
I am reminded of David and Jonathan here... they truly had a “closer than a brother” relationship. They became quick friends and never looked back. They were protectors of each other during every danger in their lives. They were faithful friends throughout the rest of the time that Jonathan walked on this earth. After Jonathan was killed in battle, David said this of him in II Samuel 1:25-26;
“How the mighty have fallen in the midst of battle! Jonathan lies slain on your high places. I am distressed for you, my brother, Jonathan; very pleasant you have been to me; your love to me was extraordinary, surpassing the love of women.”
That is true heart-felt loyalty from a genuine friend. A commonly agreed upon theme that stems from Proverbs 18:24 is that we have the ultimate Friend that sticks closer than a brother. Jesus, of course. Jesus is faithful and loyal like no other. He protects us. He is THE single most pleasant Friend we will ever encounter.
Great Defender
John 15:12-15
“This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that a person will lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, because all things I have heard from My Father I have made known to you."
Jesus defends us out of the deepest love of all. Every step of the way from His streets of gold to the dirt road that twists and turns along the way... meeting us where we were and are and ultimately sacrificing everything to the death for each and every one of us that follow Him. His friends.
I have intimately witnessed Him taking great care of me through the last several years... meeting me on a dry and dusty and sometimes very mucky, muddy road that threatened like quicksand. I have also had times where I questioned where this faithful Friend had wandered off to. Of course, He hadn’t roamed off anywhere... He was always waiting for me to come to Him with a surrendered, humbled heart.
This reminds me of Peter... and actually all the disciples. Jesus knew them intimately. They traveled together, shared bread together, slept under the same tree, knew the same people, and prayed together. Three years of constancy. My heart swells when I think of how deeply He cared for them. He met them where they were in every situation and thought. He helped them grow in their faith by teaching and healing and providing and walking on water. Jesus prayed a very heartfelt prayer for His disciples in John 17... oh to be present in the upper room and hear this Priestly prayer uttered from His breath! Jesus called each of these men for a purpose. To Peter, He called him to be instrumental in establishing the church. Matthew 16:18-19 Each one of these men; Peter, Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas, Matthew, James, Thaddeus, Simon, and yes, even Judas were men that Jesus loved intimately and instilled within them a purpose. For just a glimpse into the compassion Jesus carries for you, watch this clip from The Chosen. Closest of friends, indeed!
Picking up my pieces
This brings me to what is happening right now in my life. I have known since before Ed died, that I would have to return to work at some point. I have mostly been a stay at home mom for the duration of my years as a mom... a very long time! I did work a few different times through the years out of necessity, for a season, but I was always able to return to just being a mom. I figured I would just sail into retirement and Ed and I would travel and spend time with our kids and grandkids. Never in a million years did I ever think that desire would be squelched and I would have to return to work again... until cancer stole that from our family too.
So over these nearly three years now, God has been picking up my pieces and putting me back together. To heal me because I still have more to my story... but also to prepare me for what I seriously never wanted to do again. He was going ahead of me to win my war... going after my enemy... and giving me victory. Wandering with me in the wilderness as a pillar of fire by night and a cloud by day. Oh how He loves me.
I think the not-so-secret secret is to seek His Truth while praising and worshiping in the storm. Bowing prostrate before Him in humble adoration. There were times I tried to rush ahead... and other times, I dragged my feet. But mostly, He asked me to stay still and wait. And staying still... not living in "busyness," was truly a challenge for me... but it is what He asked of me. Out of my love for Him... I continually surrendered to His ask. And this… this line in the song, “Defender” by UPPERROOM;
“When I thought I lost me, You knew where I left me. You reintroduced me to your love and you picked up all my pieces, put me back together. You are the defender of my heart”
All of that.
Everything.
More.
Our Friend that sticks closer than a brother.
A new day
I have been hoping and praying for a position in the Christian industry... somewhere. Last year, I started volunteering at the place where I get counseling. This is also the hospice that Ed spent his last days with. I had seen a need that was essential for helping the counselors and I felt the nudge that it was time to give back for all the goodness they had freely given to me. So I applied to volunteer. I have pretty much been there once a week ever since. Enjoying every minute of it. Knowing I was right where God wanted me for that season. It was a simple “job” really… letting people in the door, working on mailings, making some calls for the Satisfaction Survey… and the bonus was that I also had the privilege to work on my writing while there. What I didn’t count on was forging new relationships out of the rubble of tears and heartaches that weekly came in and out of the door. What a blessing for me!
The other day, I found myself driving home from volunteering, listening to “Defender.” I was overwhelmed with the vast love He has for me... tears streamed from a deep, deep... deeper than deep, gratitude for how God has been working behind the scenes for me all along.
“Your mercy is the shade I'm living in. You restore my faith and hope again.”
You see, that day was a monumental day for me. I had an interview at this place I volunteer at for an Administrative Assistant job that I had been hoping and praying for, for months! I received my official offer letter not long after the interview. The Father who owns the cattle on a thousand hills... the One who loves me with a greater love than I have ever experienced... and that says so much because I had one of THE greatest loves on the face of this earth... HE is the One who provides immeasurably more than I could ever have asked for or imagined. (Ephesians 3:20)
This Friend... He cares profoundly, entirely, absolutely, intensely, radically, immensely, deeply, and infinitely for me. And you.
Can you fathom it? To even try to comprehend it overwhelms my entire being... soul... heart... mind... so much so, that it draws considerable emotion from within me. It. Stirs. Me.
It stirs me...
“Every time, every time. Not just one time, not just a few times. Every time.”
longings
Lest you think that I have acclimated completely to my new station in life... I must be open with you. I still get a little angry that I have to return to work when all I truly and fully want to do is spend time with my family and friends, write, and travel. Those are the longings of my heart. I have to trust that I know God sees this and knows my desires. But to the degree I desire those, they are not the only part of this season I have transitioned to. There is more that must be done. I will take every opportunity with my family and friends that I can... I will not stop writing and I will travel as much as the Lord allows me to. But I will tell you that if I have to work, and I do, I can think of no better place to work. It is “abundantly more” than I asked Him for! I have benefits and I am just starting out part-time, which is exactly what I wanted. Oh... and bonus! I LOVE the people that work there... the clients... and the peaceful atmosphere. Would I rather not have to work? Definitely. But this is my life now. God saw the checklist that I needed and He checked off all of the boxes and then some, for me. Because... I Peter 2:9;
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.”
And...
Psalm 68:4-5
“Sing to God, sing in praise of His name, extol Him who rides on the clouds; rejoice before Him - His name is the Lord. A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, He leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”
He defends me.
I am no longer a prisoner.
I refuse to walk in the sun-scorched land for the rest of my days.
Most of my friends walk with Jesus in freedom with Holy Spirit. They are a mix of encouragers. leaders, and prayer warriors for the Defender of each of our hearts. And when God tells me He is with me always and in ALL ways, that often looks like one of my besties wrapping me up in their arms or holding my hand along the way.
I will leave you with this encouragement from one of my besties. This is for any of you warrior widows… or anyone else navigating through loss. Remember to continue to put one foot in front of the other and carry on, doing the next right thing that your Defender calls you to... because...
“You are a walking, talking, lesson on God’s beautiful redemption.” - Lynn
TRAILBLAZING
Listen to Defender. His way is so much better for us... always, but especially in the hard. He meets us anywhere that we find ourselves and He defends us... and fights for us. When we are hidden in the shade of His mercy, humbly, but boldly give Him praise. Give Him worship. Give Him the honor of staying still and letting Him be your BESTEST, best Friend... your Father who provides and satisfies. The greatest lover of your soul.
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